Windows Vista - Performance Issues

The phone rings at Drips Central, a branch of the Goliath Corporation.

Me (answering the phone): Hello? If you're calling to tell me my weekly beer delivery is gonna be late, I am gonna be pissed.

Victim (an actual famous editor of a computer publication: Hello Mike. (Sniff!) I fell off the wagon!

Me: You started drinking again?

Victim: No, I installed Windows Vista.

Me: Man, you would have been a lot better off if you had started drinking again, or even become a drug addict. Of course once Windows Vista hits the street, 12 step Windows Vista programs will probably spring up all over the world.

Victim: It's too late for that! (Sob!) I've already installed it on my home and office PCs (Wail!).

Me: Didn't I already warn you about this? Vista is the spawn of Satan.

Victim: I know, I know, I should have listened!

Me: Well what do you me to do?

Victim: Just tell me the secret to Windows Vista performance. Please! I'm desperate! My entire computing world has turned into total slow motion! I feel like I am swimming in a pool of honey!

Me: Well Windows Vista won't install if your CPU is too slow, so, um, how much RAM do you have in your system?

Victim: (Choke!) One gig.

Me: Man, no wonder Windows Vista is kicking sand in the face of your PC! That's only enough RAM to boot up, not to actually do anything with Vista!

Victim: Well, uh how much more RAM do I need?

Me: For you to get acceptable performance out of Windows Vista, you have to have a minimum of 2 gigs of RAM.

Victim: But, but, that's not what Microsoft says!

Me: If you have to choose between believing what Microsoft says and smoking crack, then smoke crack. At least you will experience a lot more pleasure.

Victim: Well, thanks for the info. Now can I talk to you about Aero?

Me: Nah, it's too early in the day for me to start that gimpy piece of crap. It'll just force me to start drinking immediately. Call back later.

Windows Vista - No Sound

Yes, after installing Windows Vista Ultimate, you might notice how quiet it is.

That's because if you (like myself) own a Creative Labs SoundBlaster card, you have to go the Internet (see my posting below on that) and go to Windows Update for your SoundBlaster card to be "discovered" by Windows. Windows Update will then install the driver and you will once again have sound.

I asked one of my Microsoft pals why they didn't just fire the idiot that made the decision to leave those drivers off of the Windows Vista installation DVD, and I got the usual moronic apology:

"Microsoft did that to distance themselves from the hardware manufacturers."

Huh? Distance themselves? Microsoft is the biggest $2 whore in the world! They will hop into bed with anybody!

Hell, even at the Windows Vista/Office 2007 launch lunch with Steve Ballmer that I will be attending on Monday, guess who else will be speaking at that lunch?


Windows Vista - No Internet

Yeah, I am running the actual retail version of Windows Ultimate on my main PC. It makes me wonder if I am just a masochistic computer consultant or what.

Anyway! Yes, I managed to install Windows Vista Ultimate in only one hour on my PC which is a Windows record compared to installing XP, 2000, Millenium, 98, 95 and Windows for Warehouses, er, Workgroups.

Of course it then took TWO HOURS for Windows Vista Ultimate to recognize my LinkSys wireless card, my wireless network and finally connect to the Internet.

Microsoft LifeCam NX-6000

Well I had some extra money which is a rare event for me, and decided to foolishly squander it on this new Microsoft web cam. I'd been looking at newer generation web cams for months, and was interested in this one even though Microsoft took a while to actually sell the darned thing.

Immediate caveat: This camera has a non-adjustable clip on the back of it that BARELY fits onto the top of a Dell notebook. There is no way to affix it to the top of an LCD or analog monitor without using Velcro or some other method to jury rig it. Also it has a short USB cable if you want to use it on your desktop. It's like 5' or so.

The good news is that the picture is awesome! The built-in microphone works great and it actually worked extremely well at the JetBlue hotspot at JFK, which is darned noisy.

It does work with the latest version of Microsoft Live Messenger. It claims to work with Yahoo's IM, but I have had zero success with it trying to interact with Yahoo IM users.

It also works fine with Comcast's video mail system.

House of Leaves

I am still struggling to read my way through this large experimental tome.

I was lead to the book by a WoW poster using this quote from it in their signature:

"this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves

moments before the wind"